11/20/19

Currently listening to ¨I¨ by Deep Hole. The school dean made me and Jackson apologize to each other, except that he didn´t exactly apologize. He just made up excuses for how he treated me. He also took the opportunity to talk about how everyone here hates me and thinks I´m ¨super mean.¨ I already know this of course, but having my worst fears and insecurities confirmed like this feels like a punch in the gut. Apparently Paarth is the one who told him my deadname. Needless to say, me and Paarth are going to have a little talk. I hate almost everyone at this school and want to blow their brains out. Everyone is such an idiot.

On the bright side, I managed to get my hands on a new pencil sharpener. I swear to God. My parents think cutting is bad for me but It´s not. It´s good for me. It helps me let out my emotions the only way I know how. Self-destruction. I don´t even have the capacity of feeling the true, deep, misery I used to feel. But I know that I want to slash my wrists up into ribbons.