10/29/19

Currently listening to ¨Honestly?¨ by American Football. I am getting closer and closer to doing it every day. But I have some things I need to do before it. First of all, I want to spend one last Halloween with my friends. Second of all, I need to finish my album, which will be difficult because lately I have had no motivation to do anything.

I don´t know the exact date that I am going to do it, but I´m going to do it before next Halloween. I know that it will hurt my friends and family but I just can´t do this anymore.

When my therapist asks me to name 5 positive personality traits I have, I struggle to think of even one. My parents have this delusion that I have friends at school and that I´m well-liked.

I forgot to mention that yesterday Amy tried to kill herself again. Well, I´m not sure if she was actually trying to kill herself or just cut too deep, but either way some of her friends found her lying on the bathroom floor screaming and crying. She had cut her wrists. We don´t know exactly where she is right now. Apparently she´s been in the hospital many times but it hasn´t helped her, which I get because it hasn´t helped me either. So I don´t know if she´s in there or not.