10/25/19

Currently listening to "Del III" by Hypothermia. Today the teacher let us pick seats. David immediately left and joined a new table (it's okay, I wouldn't want to sit with me either). Anup stayed where he was. I went to over to Avery's table (all the other ones were occupied) and asked if | could sit with her. She sighed really loudly, stretched, and didn't respond to my question. I took that as a no and went back to my original table. Overheard Kai (not the blonde guy, the other one) saying "Why would you be so rude to him" to her.

Later I looked up and saw Avery at our table....crying? Mind you, this is a girl that NEVER cries or gets emotional. Everyone knows she cuts but no one asks her about it or talks about it, because apparently it's rude to ask the popular girl, but not when you ask the "emo kid." Our society, folks. Hmm...let's see how many people at this school definitely know or knew that I cut. Jeremy, Nick, Casey, David, Charlotte, Kevin, Aamira, Sally, one of the Daniels, and Annecy/Honesty. That's actually quite a lot of people. Too many, in my opinion. I used to be really open about my self harm but not anymore. Anyways, apparently Marcel was talking about something personal about Avery in class. Anup wouldn't tell me what it was, but I can guess. Asked Isamu and Aabha if I should confront Marcel about it. They said yes, so I will.

Later, in art class again, Jackson walks up to us and starts talking to Kaitlin because Kaitlin asked him if a guy like her. He started jabbering about how no one loves him. I said "Join the club, no one loves me either." Trying to be sympathetic, albeit in a darkly comedic way. Jackson's response? "Shut the fuck up, no one fucking asked you." Laughter. I cut.

Today a girl from Kevin's friend group, let's call her Valerie, comes up to me with Amy. Amy's wrists are bleeding through her sweater. I freak out, of course. I just don't know what to do at this point. I go get some band-aids, it's the least I could do. Go back to Valerie and Amy. Hand Amy band-aids. Amy goes off to bathroom. Me and Valerie just sort of stand there not knowing what to do. We don't know exactly why she does it or how to help, which is ironic since we are both cutters. Valerie told me that she used to cut today, and because of this I told her and rolled up my sleeves. She is now the only one that knows that I am currently cutting.