10/16/19

Currently listen to "Izole" by She Past Away. My mom came into my room today and saw the matches laying out on my bed (I had forgot to put them away). She started to ask why they were there, but stopped herself once she realized that they were incense matches (I have an interest in the occult that she does not take issue with, and she must have assumed that these incense-scented matches were for ritualistic purposes). I really hope she doesn't remember that time she saw the burns on my wrist and put the pieces together. EVERYONE thinks I've stopped. No one but my online friends. I haven't told anyone. I try to hide my feelings as best as I can, passing it all off as dark humor. For instance, if someone asks me how my day was, I might say "terrible", and we'll laugh it off, but I'm really not joking. I'm down to 15 matches. I can't waste them. I'm really anxious. I can't waste them. What happens when I run out?